1. Why Should I buy your coffee?
Because it is fucking delicious and you have good taste.
2. I am shitting my pants. What is going on?
A single brewed cup provides approximately 95 mg of caffeine. While caffeine is a great energy booster, it may also stimulate the urge to poop. Several studies have shown that it can activate contractions in your colon and intestinal muscles. Contractions in the colon push contents towards the rectum, which is the final section of your digestive tract.
3. What do different levels of roast mean?
There are three different levels of roast that reference both the type of humor and the degree to which the coffee beans are heated. There are 3 roasts we carry.
• Light Roast - For your “sensitive” friends - the jokes are punny in nature and while there may be some profanity the jokes do not specifically target any group of people.
• Medium Roast - For your more hearty friends. These roasts are savage as fuck on topics ranging anywhere from personality issues to how goddamn fat you are.
• Dark Roast - For your friends that are as fucked in the head as you are. In the dark roast, anything goes. Race, sexuality, religion, politics, etc are all fair game. Not safe for work unless you want to get real cozy with the bitch from HR over it.
4. How long does it take to ship?
We have a daily pick-up from USPS at 2 pm Central Time and a UPS pick-up Monday through Friday at 3 pm Central Time. Orders are generally shipped within 1 to 3 business days, probably. You’ll get it when you get it.
5. Can I return it?
Short answer, no. Long answer, still no. Unless there was an issue with it being damaged in shipping that you notified us of within 24 hours of delivery, you are out of luck. We’ll personally call your mom and apologize if you send her number.
5a. Will you call my mom even if I don’t have an issue?
Yeah, sure. We love moms
6. Who the fuck are you?
I’m a broke AF twenty-four year old that dropped out of community college to try to run this shitty coffee company instead of working a dead end office job for the rest of my life.